Honestly, I’ll just open this right up with this one statement.
This is the weirdest thing I’ve ever experienced.
I’ve gotta say, I never expected to resign from my position and almost immediately be faced with a global health pandemic. It’s definitely stretching and testing my faith. Most days, I think I’m doing alright. Then there was yesterday. Oh, boy, yesterday…
I decided rather spontaneously to pick up a shift with Instacart, without any real knowledge of how that side of the app worked. I accidentally picked up an order on the other side of town, then quickly realized how difficult the task was actually going to be. Nothing was in stock. I’d never shopped for multiple varieties of salad mix before, so that was new. I didn’t know how to properly use the app to locate the items, which was really my fault 100%. I asked the customer if I could make substitutions and I thought I’d gotten permission, but only realized that I was not given permission for one of the products after the transaction processed. The cashier told me I could go to Customer Service for a refund immediately. Kroger is not processing refunds due to safety concerns. So, feeling overwhelmed and like a failure, I went through the nearby ATM and took out $20. I delivered the groceries to the customer’s door while sobbing and stuck the money and a note explaining things inside the bag. Why was that so stressful? I guess I just felt bad. I never made in-person contact, so I don’t know if this person is financially struggling or sick or scared or immune-compromised. I also have no idea if by filling that order I have exposed myself to the virus. It’s definitely a stressful time in general. I gained an even greater sense of respect for grocery store workers and delivery workers.
I’m really nervous because my parents (and my brother who lives with them) are still working like normal. My husband has been working from home since Monday afternoon this week.
The bright side of this time (and I almost hate to explore this because it is a fact that people are suffering and dying and struggling) has been hard to find, but there are a few things that I can be grateful for:
- I have a home to quarantine myself in and keep clean.
- I have a husband who is able to stay home.
- I am not in financial danger.
- I have health insurance.
- I get the opportunity to make my husband and I all our meals, which is something I enjoy.
- I have time, space, energy, and supplies to try out new baking experiments.
Just to name a few.
It’s definitely discouraging to be on the job hunt during a pandemic where only essential workers are supposed to be coming in. I also go through the mental battle of “Man, I’ve got to get a job!” and “I don’t know if it’s safe for me to be out working right now.”
I just read an Instagram post from a friend talking about how it has all finally sunk in for her and her children. They’re realizing everything that they will miss out on due to COVID-19 and all the things they will never take for granted when everything is all over.
The things I will miss out on are seemingly few. I don’t have kids, so I won’t miss a graduation or prom or a recital. My birthday is this Friday and I’ve chosen to hold a musical livestream on Facebook, but I’d already talked to my husband about wanting a quiet birthday since resigning. I don’t feel like that’s missing out. I feel like a livestream would be making the best of a crummy situation. People out here are missing out on all kinds of things and my heart hurts for them. I hurt for my cousin who has lost his job. I hurt for my neighbor whose son is a high school senior. I hurt for my neighbor’s daughter whose scoliosis surgery has now been postponed by two months. I hurt for the mother I know whose kids need therapy to develop speech and other skills.
So many people are making enormous sacrifices. It can be easy to get discouraged since we just don’t know how long all of this is going to last. I am not immune to this discouragement. I encourage you to keep looking on the bright side and practice daily gratitude to God because he is still for us. He is still fighting on our behalf. He is still good even when our circumstances aren’t. It is not easy and you may be rolling your eyes reading this. But this will get us to the other side.
Hang in there. Stay home. God has this.