It has been over a month since I last wrote on this blog and friends, there was a very good reason.
Over the last four weeks, I have been on a path I did not truly expect to be on this year. I took a time out for self-reflection and to hear from God about my future. This month was spent out of the office.
It was honestly the loneliest time of my entire life. My job is very closely connected to a lot of things: my husband (who I worked closely with), my friends (my community I have built within the team I led), my church (because that’s what it is), and my community in general (it’s local). So spending time away, while valuable, was very painful.
I’ll spare you a million details, because at this point they just aren’t crucial. Here’s the bottom line: I decided to walk away. It doesn’t mean that I was 100% prepared to and it doesn’t mean that I was even stoked about it. This was a job that I declared my dream job. This was a job I loved. This was a job I was good at.
I am writing this blog post a few days before it will post due to the fact that there are some people that need to be informed in person first, and I would hate for them to randomly locate this blog and find out this way instead. That said, in the days ahead, I will share with my coworkers and I will share with my team. It’s honestly very kind of leadership to let me do so. I have no hard feelings toward anybody in leadership. I’ve been very fortunate to be a part of this organization for just days under three years.
I am grieving. I am adjusting to not spending most of my waking hours with my husband. I am adjusting to job hunting. I am learning to forget about responsibilities I had. I am adjusting to the fact that I have Thursday nights open again and I don’t need to wake up at 4:30am on Sunday mornings anymore. I am watching my church online in order to introduce myself to the reality that I am not a part of the service anymore, so that I can eventually be prepared to be an attender in person without breaking down. When I succeed in that area, I’ll probably want to explore the idea of volunteering on the team.
I’m not going to look for a job at another church. I never saw music ministry as a lifelong calling. With the multitude of interests I have, I can’t fathom that I only get one calling in life as far as the workplace goes. I look forward to my next mission and I know that God will provide. All things considered, I think I have been handling things fairly well.
If you’re reading this, I could use your prayers. This has been really difficult.
Yet I know God is still good.