I got a call from the nurse and she let me know that the results came back normal.
Normal is good.
Normal eliminates a lot of bad things.
Normal gets us closer, but normal is not the end.
It’s a weird feeling, because this news should be a relief and that’s it. But, I know deep down something is not right, and not having a conclusion after an endoscopy and biopsies being examined is really frustrating.
There surely must be a reason I get immediate chest pain after the smallest bite of a muffin. There has to be a reason why my throat tightens after gnocchi and it takes me all evening to recover, sometimes after sleeping in a seated position. There is a reason why thick mucus that is impossible to clear shows up in my throat when I eat wheat and (perhaps) when I eat dairy.
I got my follow-up appointment moved up a month, which was excellent, seeing that I have a lot of questions now for my doctor.
I guess I’m on my own now as far as trying to make myself feel better. I have cut wheat and dairy and am feeling much better. I’m trying to regain a normal appetite and I think I have definitely improved.
The isolation factor is real. This mystery is literally my greatest battle right now and kind of all I’ve got going on. Since I’ve started talking to people about it, I’ve realized that nobody really cares, which is perhaps why I’m writing this blog post. I’ll just record my journey for myself. It’s hard enough going through this, harder that I don’t personally know anyone going through the same thing, and hardest not knowing when it’ll end.
So this lack of conclusion has me feeling once again….helpless.