5 Things I Know to Be True About Myself

2019 is a year of big events for my immediate family. My father is retiring from the military after 33 years. My parents are celebrating 30 years of marriage and I am getting married. I REPEAT! I AM GETTING MARRIED! HOLY COW. Here’s our save the date and one of the many reenactment pictures my family has taken.

I’m in a point in my life where I’m actually emotionally processing a lot. I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t a lot to process as I think about the way my life is about to change. I feel like I’m officially closing another chapter and with it, I know I can’t go back. I may have had a major breakdown about it this week.

Here’s reality: I don’t know much for sure. I’ve been a vegetarian for almost three years but I could change my diet completely at some point. I’ve had the same hair cut and color for about four consecutive years now but I could finally get up the nerve and do something different. I’ve absolutely loved working where I work, but the Lord will likely call me somewhere else at some point.

However. I know a couple things to be solid and true about life and about myself. Here they are.

1. I love my fiancé and want to spend my life with him. Easy p-z. No brainer. I love him and we are going to get married. No questions asked.
2. I do not want to have kids. I wish I could trace it back to something that makes sense to people and is easily understood. I had dolls as a child. I loved naming characters in my stories. I never hated kids per se. However, I know with every bit of my soul I am not meant to be a mother. In fact, I can’t fathom it. Babies are cute, but I don’t want my body to change and I most certainly am not interested in raising a child. Getting through my own homework was hard enough, but the thought of having to help someone else with theirs gives me anxiety. Don’t even get me started on how that would stress me out financially. I’ll stop here.
3. Music will always be a part of my life. Obviously, given my profession and my education, it has been a huge part thus far. Looking at the future, no matter what my job is and where life takes me, music will find a way into my life.
4. I cannot drink coffee after noon. This is one of the firmest, truest facts I have found in life. I just can’t hang. I will be up all night.
5. I will always have Jesus. I will always be able to talk to God. I will always have my faith. It will be tested, however. But at the end of the day, I am a child of God and that will never change.