A Letter to My 20-Year-Old Self

Age 20 was a weird time in my life. I was in my first relationship that lasted beyond three months. I was enrolled in community college, but wasn’t sure what my next step would be. I was working at Family Christian, which was a Christian bookstore/retailer that went out of business in 2017. I was writing a lot of sappy music about guys I liked, dated, or had thought was cute back in high school. My closest friends were no longer close by, and were several hours away at their distant schools.

 

Looking back, I have so many things I wish I could tell my 20-year-old self, but quite frankly, I’m not sure I would have listened. Regardless, here is what I’d say.

 

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  • God is in control of your life. I was a believer, but I wasn’t fully certain that God had a plan at this time. I felt like I was aimlessly wandering into my twenties. God allowed me to walk through difficult seasons of isolation and being desperate for male attention because I had a lot to learn about life. Do I wish I would’ve been less desperate? Absolutely. I face-palm at the memory of the way I’d bend over backwards for guys. I wish I put more value on the story God wanted to tell through my life than my Facebook relationship status.
  • God placed the desire to make music in your heart and he is going to use it for his glory. This is an entire blog post itself, and it’s coming, but I’ll just say that God presented me with a marvelous opportunity in the second half of my twentieth year that absolutely changed the course of my life. Fast-forward to today, and I am a worship leader and I work in music ministry at a church.
  • That ain’t your husband. At age 20, I was in and out of a relationship with a guy who was not right for me. I have no ill feelings toward him now, but there were several times where I should’ve known that our relationship was not God-breathed and was not serving either of us. I should’ve followed the Holy Spirit, instead of pursuing a relationship with anybody who was up for one, just for the sake of not feeling like I was missing out. Truly, it’s sad, but that’s what it was.
  • Your clothes are not flattering! I did not dress well, really, until the following year. Things were always too short, too tight, not reflective of my personal style, etc. It took me a while to figure out what my personal style actually is, so I wouldn’t beat myself up too bad about it.
  • You’re going to lose touch with almost every single one of your friends. It’s so true! I’m only close with maybe 2 of the people I was close with during this time in my life. It’s not a bad thing. Not everyone is a part of your life for the long haul. However, this was hard to accept and definitely took me some time.

 

I am grateful for this time in my life, because it did teach me a lot of hard lessons that I needed to learn at one point or another. That said, I wouldn’t ever ask for the opportunity to live those times over again! It’s all gotten me to where I am today and for that I am grateful.

 

What about you? If you’re past this age, what were you like at age 20?

 

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