Hey, there. It’s okay to be reading this post. It’s okay if you have unfollowed people on social media that are engaged and just look a little too happy. It’s okay if you have dreams of being married to someone who you have yet to meet. It’s okay if you don’t know how to be happy for your best friend who you never believed would be engaged before you. I’m not here to tell you how you should feel, but I do want to take a second to just sit with you and talk about what nobody talked to me about when I was anxiously anticipating the day my boyfriend would get down on one knee.
An engagement ring does not make you into a different person. This idea may sound downright silly and obvious to you, but hear me out. Sure, newly engaged people have a new excitement to their lives. Engagement is a wonderful, joyful time to be celebrated. But speaking from experience, when Jonathan slipped the ring on my finger, I did not become more of a woman. I did not become more mature. I did not become more worthy of love. I was just as much of a woman, just as immature or mature (depending on how you look at it), and just as worthy of love as I was just moments before. I know that I used to look at women with rings on their finger as more accomplished, more put-together, etc. You may be guilty of doing this too, maybe without even recognizing it. The ring is two things – a symbol of a promise made, and ultimately, just a piece of jewelry.
It is not your duty in life to find a spouse. Now, this may be the least popular opinion that I share with you, but I think it’s an important one. There is this common idea in our culture today that everyone will get married when they grow up. It’s normal to say to kids, “When you get married….” yadda, yadda, yadda. Many people do get married and many of those people have a successful marriage. However, no one is guaranteed a spouse at birth. A spouse is a blessing, not a given. Be encouraged by this. God has amazing plans for your life and that marvelous mystery may or may not include the blessing of a life partner. Either way, it will still be full and beautiful and fulfilling if you so allow. Take the pressure off of yourself.
The excitement is okay. I had to include this, because I’ll admit it, I’ve been posting quite a bit about my new fiancé on my social media accounts. There was a point in my posting where I had to stop and ask myself whether or not what I was doing was okay and if it was hurting others. To that question I have concluded that I’m content. Being a wife is something I’ve always dreamed about. Being a wife to this particular man has been a goal since pretty much our day one. This is a monumental time in my life and if I want to document and scream from the rooftops, it’s all in the name of love. I want nothing more than for others to hold out for a love as pure as what I have. If you truly dislike that someone is being so open about their relationship, then you have the choice to continue to follow or to unfollow. It’s as simple as that. I’ve done it, myself. But in hindsight, I do wish I had elected to be a cheerleader instead.
There you have it, guys. I hope this sparks your conversations among friends and coworkers and gets you thinking about the culture that surrounds women and marriage in today’s age.
Much love,
-S
SARAH HARPER 